Unashamed.

That's my goal. To be unashamed. Is that even a word? It is now. I want to be the opposite of ashamed...which I guess is unashamed.

My heart is deceitful above all else. (So is yours, my friend). The Bible states that pretty clearly.

And...we are asked to proclaim that "Jesus is LORD." Well, my deceitful heart thought that I was proclaiming that HE is LORD. Yesterday (thank you, Barry) I was convicted through my husband's sermon (hearing it twice) that I say with my lips that He is Lord, but I don't show it with my actions.

Guess what that makes me? A hypocrite.

Oh, how I hate hypocrites. I didn't think I was one anymore...I was at least working on it and getting better, because::

I was dealing with my hypocracy and was getting rid of the excess in my life...
I followed Jesus and did what I shout about: adopted...
I honestly blog about my flaws and how God is teaching me...

I can't be a hypocrite.

Oh, but I am.

I live in some areas of my life making my own decisions...completely. And yet I pray to be a light. Then when presented with the opportunity I actually revel in my darkness and justify it.

Horrific. Shameful. SINful.

So, here goes friends: I'm sinful. And I'm the lord of the room in my life called "family." I want to protect my heart. I want to avoid situations that make me feel akward and unknown. I want to live in my darkness and pretend that the "Decker" side of my genes came from space and their aren't really people attached to it. Stupid, I know.

But, yesterday, I told Jesus He could be the Lord in this area, too (even though I don't really like this idea). He's asked me to be obedient. And here I go. I should have done this a LONG time ago. Because, my father's side of the family knows that I believe in Jesus. But they've only watched me live my life as the lord of it.

Family, forgive me. Forgive me for being a hypocrite. For not living what I believe, and for ignoring you and treating you unkindly. Forgive me for putting myself first and not allowing my God to heal, change, and restore me...or my relationships with you.

I'm unashamed. Unashamed to live my life off the throne. Jesus is on it. And there's not room for me there.

P.S. - Sveta's prayer tonight: "Thank you God. Thank you Mama. Thank you Papa. Thank you Griffen.Thank you church. Thank you bolshoi Walmart.  etc... I love you, Amen"

Oh...and, Barry quizzed her on her capital letters in the bathtub. She's up to 23.  Yeah, that's right. She's a genius.